Friday, February 22, 2013

C'est la vie!

This blog post comes with a service warning....some TMI will be below so shield your eyes if you are more modest than I. :)

T-Minus 12 hours till MEXICO! After a busy work week, packing, cleaning and everything else you do before you get the hell out of town for a week there was only one last thing left to waxing appointment so I can be seen in public while wearing a bathing suit. If you don't know me that I well I am Italian and you get where I am going with this?!?!

I think finding the woman who waxes you is a VERY personal thing. There is a special bond you share with this person as they see more than most gynecologists. My ALL TIME FAVORITE was in the north end at a spa/salon called Joi. Her name was Liz and SHE WAS FABULOUS! Worth every penny and then some. When I moved out of the city it wasn't as convenient so I tried a few new ones. Every time I went on vacation I would end up trying a new salon. The first one was a place in Burlington and the chick was JUDGING me the whole time, I could feel it. She was such a snot and looked just like Snookie. No one wants or needs to be judged at a time like this. Then there was another gal who was very sweet but the wax they used wasn't the best and the place was kind of dirty. Pain + Dirty Floors (if those are dirty god knows what else is) = No Bueno (trying to use every ounce of Spanish I know for the next week solid which isn't much).

So that brings me to my groupon purchase on Sunday. I read all the reviews on yelp and this small older Romanian woman came VERY highly recommended. She was able to squeeze me in this evening after work for a bikini wax. Yipppppeeeeee! I took the Advil, wore loose fitting clothes and ran out the door from work!!!! Mexico here I come! Right? Sure....

I walk into her office, in an office park in Winchester (burb of Boston), no frills, not super spa like but smells ok and it's comfortable. There was another woman waiting who was really nice and said that she has been coming here to see her for YEARS. Even follows this woman around EVERY WHERE SHE GOES. Fair enough! She was selling her like I would sell the fries and milkshake I had in Portland Maine at Duck Fat (still dreaming about that milkshake!) a couple of years ago.

Into the room I go! The small Romanian woman has been in positions that would make a yoga teacher proud. Annnnnnnnnnnd we begin I yelp a little but fall into the groove of pain. Legs up, Legs down, Legs moved around and then it happens. I am talking away (shocking I know) and all of the sudden I feel this warm sensation EVERYWHERE down there.

I look down and go "Oh"
She goes, in a THICK accent (use your imagination), "Uh Oh?"
I then said, "OH?! I though I was only getting a bikini wax, not the full Monty"
She says, "Uhhhhhhhhhh Ohhhhhhhhh!"
Me "So there's no way of getting this off with warm water uh?"
Very Red Faced Romanian "Uhhhhh Ohhhhh Nooooo"
(I think, SHIT)
......... Me....... "Yeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwooooooooo"
Romanian Woman (shielding her face) "Uh Oh"

This went on for the better half of 2 minutes THEN the light bleeding started. ha ha ha ha ha ha I can't even make this shit up. I was laughing so hard that I started tearing up. She took that as me crying in pain but it was all laughter. OK maybe a little bit of pain.

She goes to put more wax on the middle part and I say, "Oh No! Oh No! I think I am all set!" She looks confused and said, "No, I think I am all set, I don't wear bathing suits where ANYONE will see that, nor am I in porn!"

So with my who-ha looking like the head of a cancer patient (it is the best visual I can give any of you) Or as Alex just said, "A patch work quilt!" I look up at her said, "So am I done?" She goes, "Uhhh, yes?"

**The things we do for beauty and the good of the popular public. 12 hours from right now Alex and I will be in an airport waiting to board our flight. See you on the other side! :)

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