Friday, February 22, 2013

C'est la vie!

This blog post comes with a service warning....some TMI will be below so shield your eyes if you are more modest than I. :)

T-Minus 12 hours till MEXICO! After a busy work week, packing, cleaning and everything else you do before you get the hell out of town for a week there was only one last thing left to waxing appointment so I can be seen in public while wearing a bathing suit. If you don't know me that I well I am Italian and you get where I am going with this?!?!

I think finding the woman who waxes you is a VERY personal thing. There is a special bond you share with this person as they see more than most gynecologists. My ALL TIME FAVORITE was in the north end at a spa/salon called Joi. Her name was Liz and SHE WAS FABULOUS! Worth every penny and then some. When I moved out of the city it wasn't as convenient so I tried a few new ones. Every time I went on vacation I would end up trying a new salon. The first one was a place in Burlington and the chick was JUDGING me the whole time, I could feel it. She was such a snot and looked just like Snookie. No one wants or needs to be judged at a time like this. Then there was another gal who was very sweet but the wax they used wasn't the best and the place was kind of dirty. Pain + Dirty Floors (if those are dirty god knows what else is) = No Bueno (trying to use every ounce of Spanish I know for the next week solid which isn't much).

So that brings me to my groupon purchase on Sunday. I read all the reviews on yelp and this small older Romanian woman came VERY highly recommended. She was able to squeeze me in this evening after work for a bikini wax. Yipppppeeeeee! I took the Advil, wore loose fitting clothes and ran out the door from work!!!! Mexico here I come! Right? Sure....

I walk into her office, in an office park in Winchester (burb of Boston), no frills, not super spa like but smells ok and it's comfortable. There was another woman waiting who was really nice and said that she has been coming here to see her for YEARS. Even follows this woman around EVERY WHERE SHE GOES. Fair enough! She was selling her like I would sell the fries and milkshake I had in Portland Maine at Duck Fat (still dreaming about that milkshake!) a couple of years ago.

Into the room I go! The small Romanian woman has been in positions that would make a yoga teacher proud. Annnnnnnnnnnd we begin I yelp a little but fall into the groove of pain. Legs up, Legs down, Legs moved around and then it happens. I am talking away (shocking I know) and all of the sudden I feel this warm sensation EVERYWHERE down there.

I look down and go "Oh"
She goes, in a THICK accent (use your imagination), "Uh Oh?"
I then said, "OH?! I though I was only getting a bikini wax, not the full Monty"
She says, "Uhhhhhhhhhh Ohhhhhhhhh!"
Me "So there's no way of getting this off with warm water uh?"
Very Red Faced Romanian "Uhhhhh Ohhhhh Nooooo"
(I think, SHIT)
......... Me....... "Yeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwooooooooo"
Romanian Woman (shielding her face) "Uh Oh"

This went on for the better half of 2 minutes THEN the light bleeding started. ha ha ha ha ha ha I can't even make this shit up. I was laughing so hard that I started tearing up. She took that as me crying in pain but it was all laughter. OK maybe a little bit of pain.

She goes to put more wax on the middle part and I say, "Oh No! Oh No! I think I am all set!" She looks confused and said, "No, I think I am all set, I don't wear bathing suits where ANYONE will see that, nor am I in porn!"

So with my who-ha looking like the head of a cancer patient (it is the best visual I can give any of you) Or as Alex just said, "A patch work quilt!" I look up at her said, "So am I done?" She goes, "Uhhh, yes?"

**The things we do for beauty and the good of the popular public. 12 hours from right now Alex and I will be in an airport waiting to board our flight. See you on the other side! :)

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Hello Wednesday....

Dear Life,

THANKS! What a way to start my morning!!! For breakfast I had my go to, all time favorite, sliced banana on a rice cake with peanut butter this morning. I was in a rush and trying to eat it in the car while driving. I was also putting on makeup, solving world hunger and curing cancer all at the same time! (No not really) But I was so hungry and stuffing my face so quickly that I did not notice a massive piece (possibly two) of banana had fallen under my tush. I had a mini dance party in the car while driving listening to Zumba music from my Sunday AM class (anything to distract myself from traffic and the hellish commute that is apart of my every day life!). You see where I am going with this....

I walk into work, (still no clue), say hi to a few clients, (nope nothing) say hi to some guys in the kitchen (still nothing and we all know they stare at EVERYONE'S ass) and then I see my a/v friend in the hallway in front of one of our dining rooms. We chat for awhile and as I am walking away he goes, "What the hell is on your ass?!" There we go!

I had banana SMOOSHED into every part of the seat of my dress pants. WOOOOO HOOOOOO! I then spent the next 5 minutes standing there wiping my tush with soda water and napkins while my friend inspected my behind. (Thank you Charles...thank you!)

And if it wasn't for my nice friend at work who kindly pointed it out I would have had no idea until I sat down at my desk! This is pay back for not mentioning the HUGE green piece of something stuck in one of my clients teeth during our meeting last week. KARMA!!!!!!

3 days till Mexico...3 days!

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

My Adventures in Almond Milk....

I just finished my first attempt at homemade almond is it you ask?? Well if you like the feeling of a tiny bit of sand in milk. Then you would LOVE the texture. If you like thin skim milk. Then you would LOVE the mouth feel (yes that's a term). If you like milk that looks light tan and not white....well my friends then this milk is for you!

Honestly it's not bad at all. It's VERY cinnamon-y and the $14 vanilla bean is AMAZING (I think I could've had that on a piece of cardboard and the cardboard would've been amazing) but I am just not sold on the texture. The nut bag (still funny) worked super well and afterwards people (food blog people) say you should dry out the almond meal in a low oven over night (Alex isn't sure about this one) and whiz it in your food processor, PRESTO almond meal/coarse almond flour. Which I tasted before drying it out, it's SUPER tasty so I figured that would be good in cookies or muffins or maybe in a scoop in some oatmeal. 

Honestly I know change isn't easy and could take a moment (or ten) to get use to but I think for my first attempt not too bad. I don't know if I would put as much water in the second time around and in the second attempt I think I might try really good vanilla extract (about $10 bucks cheaper than the bean) to see if that works as well but I do love the little vanilla bean specks in it...yes I am that much of a food dork!

Here's what I did...

1 cup of almonds (soaked over night)
1 vanilla bean (your choice, mine was bourbon vanilla)
1/4 tsp of cinnamon
3 1/2 cups of cold filtered water
3 large soft pitted dates 

**(note to self do not let these fall down the garbage disposal, SORRY ALEX!!!!, he just finished putting the disposal and kitchen sink back together. He goes, "Ok no more date pits down the drain, ok?!" SORRY!! So don't put those down the drain. Lesson learned)

Put the almonds, fresh water, cinnamon, dates, vanilla and salt in a blender...blend on the highest speed for about a minute or so. 

Get a container that will A. hold 4 cups of something (made that mistake) and B. have an easy pour top, like a mixing bowl with a lip...I think you get my drift. Have someone hold the nut bag over the bowl (ha!) and then slowly pour the liquid into the nut bag once everything is in the nut bag squeeze the rest of the liquid out and BOOM! Fresh almond milk!!!!

Get it super cold and shake the hell out of it every time you want to use it. It lasts for about 3 - 5 days in the fridge so drink up!!! I am going to try it my coffee tomorrow so I will get back to you on if it foams up and how good it foams but I think oatmeal and baking it will be great... anything savory not so much. 

Let me know is anyone else tries it and if anyone has a good solution to make it more savory and any closer to the 1% milk. 

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Lunch Today

Sorry I have to share the place I work has a full service kitchen but no microwave...totally makes sense, we don't microwave anything here which is a good thing. For reheating one's lunch you need to be creative in how to do it. Most of the time I put my tuppy in the hot box which slowly reheats the food and I never have a problem.

Today went a little differently, the chef tells me that the hot box is broken but to give him the food and he'll reheat it on the stove, "Great! Thanks!!" I think. I go to turn away and walk back in the office only to see him reach for the olive oil and begin to DUMP it all over my fabulous low cal "warm" baked potato salad. I go to stop him and he goes, "What!? It adds flavor!" Then he says, "How can you eat this stuff, it looks too healthy! You need some butter and cream (sorry dairy cows, I am so so sorry)" next I look over and he is grabbing some sauteed mushrooms from another pan and tossing it into the mix. I will give you two guesses what those mushrooms were cooked in....tick tock tick tock...YEP Oil and Butter!

At this point I figure I am totally at his whim and there is no saving this now not so healthy lunch. He walks away from the pan to do something else and I say, "I think this is all set!!?" He goes, "No it's not hot enough yet!" I go, "No no I think it's fine!!!" I just want to get back to work and for him not to put any more fat into this!

Finally he puts in back in my Tupperware and gives me a look of disgust. I guess he hates Brussels sprouts as much as Alex does. Instead of walking the Charles at lunch today I am going to have to run. I also am going to apologize now to anyone who has to see me in a bathing suit in two weeks and now you know why I look like a beached whale. :)

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Oh my god....cabin fever day 2!

So I have cooked for a few days straight and apparently when left to my own devices and control of the tv remote I keep watching food documentaries on Netflix....

On Friday, during the pre-blizzard, I watched this documentary on these 3 very different people trying to be vegan for 3 months. I can't remember if it was 3 weeks or 3 months either way that part doesn't matter. (Shows how much I truly paid attention) but I did take away that I feel really bad for milking cows. I had no idea how much pressure they were under to make milk and the lengths farmers go in order to make sure they provide milk all year long! So sad! I am a huge omnivore and will try almost anything once. I mean jesus christ I actually "fall in love" with certain foods but I have to say I actually feel so bad for the milking cows that I would think about not buying milk. (Well I mean I would TRY other alternatives first)

So this morning I woke up at 6 am still thinking about the milking cows (crazy...? yeah a little bit...shocking...? no not at all...) I have been known to wake up at odd hours of the night to look up all kinds of random things. Anyway the moral of the story is I feel so bad for bessie (yes they have names and feelings too! And no I did not drink the crazy kool aid) that I am going to try making my own almond milk! In the wee hours this morning I did A LOT of research and found out that soy milk is not good for you because of the GMO soy beans in addition to all of the other things "they" put in soy milk and then Rice Milk, Coconut Milk and Hemp Milk are out because of not being that healthy for you and they also have a lot of crap in them. So that leads me to the road of Almond Milk ( I feel like this is a bad Lewis Black routine)....they said that in about 1 cup of store bought almond milk there is only about 4 almonds. If you make it at home though you can put as many almonds in as your little heart desires! BUT you also need to find almonds that have been "steamed" and not sprayed with some chemicals that are bad for you, jesus the story never ends with crap that is bad for you! ANYWAY I ordered a nut bag (ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, YEP I JUST DID) online and Wednesday night (thank you prime) yours truly will be making some vanilla, cinnamon almond milk with her nut bag! (nope, doesn't get old)

One of the greatest people in my life, Lauren, suggested a food blog a few weeks ago,, and I have been following it ever since, almond milk recipe comes from her. I haven't made a lot of things from the site but so far what I have made have been REALLY GOOD! So on we go in the hunt of finding new things to make that taste DAMN GOOD!

So far this weekend I have tried baked banana foster's steel cut oatmeal, very tasty and this afternoon I made bacon chickpeas to put on a peanut butter and banana sandwich (GENIUS! Thank you Elvis) I have to give credit where credit is due here though...
Alex's exact words were, "Wow these are kind of bacon-y" Good enough for me! Tonight on the adventures of Beth and Alex we are going to make this lentil, maple baked dish with crusty bread thing and then more couch time.

***side note, just made lentil maple baked dish...AMAZING!!!!!! It was such a hearty (almost beef) stew.

Lastly the weekly exercise round up....

Sunday - 5 miles at the gym, GO ME!
Monday - Day off
Tuesday - Bells
Wednesday - Gym in the AM
Thursday - Off
Friday - Bells
Saturday - Gym

**Alright friends off to lay on the couch some more.

P.s. here's the million dollar question of the day....the lady at Bare Minerals (make up place) tried to sell me teal and bright green eye shadow today...who wears teal and bright green eye shadow and better yet do I look like the gal who would wear either?? Is it that close to the next holiday we need to start pushing this stuff??

Friday, February 8, 2013


Oh man the hysteria is setting in!!! Between the news saying words like "crippling" and "historical" when referring to the snow storm and people reminiscing about the storm of 78' (if you are not from the Boston Area this was reason why today there is nothing left in the grocery store!) People are officially loosing it.

Yours truly just battled with all of the other crazies at the grocery store but I did not get into a fist fight over bread or milk. I did however see some lady fill up an entire shopping cart of every chocolate product she could see, another lady bought 6 whole chickens and 3 bunches of banana's (what the hell is she going to make?!) and someone else 4 bunches of oranges....Me you ask? What did I buy? Well stuff to make pizza and other fun snacks of course! I also got a few movies at the Red Box because I am truly convinced we will NOT loose power (fingers crossed, I think Alex and I would kill each other if this happens, say your good byes to us now) and I just checked the booze supply, got tons! (again this might off set the killing one another once the boredom hits, thank god I am from New Hampshire and know about 8 different drinking games that involve cards because god knows we couldn't just drink when we were younger we needed to find a way to drink as fast as humanly possible!...oh now I need to find a deck of cards, JUST IN CASE)

I have charged every electronic device I own and am ready to online shop till I drop if I get bored, oh let's be honest I will do this regardless if I am bored or not.

I am currently debating with myself about going to the gym before it closes so I do not feel overly guilty about laying around the house for the rest of the day but I can't seem to get up off the couch and still watching the news even though they are at the point of running out of things to say. Adam (the news reporter on channel 7) is at the point where he's reading emails from viewers and it's just getting sad.

Alright, alright I am going! I am getting up and going to the gym, there is no reason why I shouldn't right?!

Well stay warm and cozy all of you out there. Days like today are great because EVERYONE stays in and "hunkers down". As a New Englander you are suppose to be ok with this. I am but by 8 pm tonight I have my money on the cabin fever really setting in and Alex and I may or may not be walking to the nearest bar to us to get something fried and a beer. :)

Good luck to all of you and snack happy! See you on the other side of the winter wonderland!

Saturday, February 2, 2013

THE YEAR OF BETH!!!!!! (Yes, from Seinfeld....)

Alright so I am so bad with keeping up with my writing which is pretty obvious since the last time I wrote on here was of my goals for 2013 was to write every week on here or any where for that matter so here I go (one month late, better late then never!). I have been reading so many different blogs it's inspired me to get back to mine!

Just like my recent inspiration to try self tanner of my friends from work came back from his vacation looking like a totally different race! He went from Mexican to African American in a week of fun in the sun! This inspired me to play with self tanner (as my friend Heather Ladner once said when we were laying out in Meredith's back yard in high school, "If you can't tone it, tan it!" Words to live by)....I now look like an streaky over stuffed ompa lompa! It's not a good look for anyone.

So here I am and here you are, YAY! Besides relaying hysterical anticdoets from my life on here I think I am also going to include my workout goals for the week as a way to keep myself accountable for it because lately when that alarm goes off at 5:45 in the morning I just roll back over and snuggle back into bed, even if I can't fall back asleep! If I put it on here I am hoping that the utter shame I would feel by LYING to you guys and not going to the gym will motivate me enough to get out of bed in the morning. Because to be honest trying to look good in a bathing suite for our Mexico vacation in a few weeks is 100% NOT ENOUGH to motivate me get my butt to the gym or stop eating Doritos!

Weekly Workout for this Week......

Sun - Zumba
Mon - Kettle Bells
Tues - Off
Wed - Gym
Thurs - Kettle Bells
Fri - Off
Sat - Kettle Bells

It feels good to be back! Just heard that the large rat in Pennsylvania did not see his shadow so bring it on Spring! It's going to be a good day friends. Off to the grocery store to do the weekly shopping! Hope you all have a fabulous weekend and looking forward to hanging out with all of you on here MUCH more often. I promise!