Sunday, September 22, 2013

"The crossbody hand bag makes you look like a lesbian from Vermont"

....says Nicky! (aka Poodle) at dinner tonight.

Me "But it's Marc Jacobs"

Poodle "It slashes your boobs in half....what are you on sale?!"

Me "I can't win!"

 *not returning the hand bag....still love it and I think all women love a good cross body bag. They are comfortable!!! These gays were calling a cross body bag the equivalent to a croc!?! WTF?!

And then the watch conversation started....shoot me now

*Here's what you need to know about me to begin with....
- A. I don't own a watch
- B. I didn't ever think I would be the type of person who would wear a watch
- C. I don't even like wearing bangles and or bracelets all that much
- Number 4. My knowledge of watches is nothing more than some cost more than cars and you can get for $10 bucks. I can't keep a white shirt white...why the hell would I watch to buy something that will 100% get broken, lost or scratched within 48 hours of me owning it that could potentially cost more than my car in the drive way?!?

So I bought this watch today....

Walking out of the store I was thinking to myself, "Oh I love this green face! It's so simple! Great watch!" That was until I saw all of my boys at Alex's Birthday dinner tonight......

So those assholes within 5 mins had me buying a new watch that the majority of them approved of online before the third round of cocktails came! (It'll be here on Wednesday). All of them said that this looked like something you would get off of a kiosk machine in the mall that spins around in a circle OR at TJ Maxx. It wasn't a cheap watch either. I mean it's not $30k but it was more than $150. 

I think Kyle's exact words were, "Making new friends with Flava Flav!?" Kill me now..... Annnnnnnnnnnd it's going back tomorrow to Nordstroms! 

The best part of this entire conversation was when Poodle goes, "Oh show them the picture you sent me earlier...." 

Poodle "See I have the one in the middle and I might even have the one to the right too"

Me "Honey those are 100% women's watches" 

Poodle "Oh....well I have some that are bedazzled too! I think those must be women's watches as well! What can I say I have good taste!"

*We started counting his collection....I lost count after 5 watches he owned that he owned that could have gone "either way" and we are now calling "transgender" watches. LOVE HIM! Hell I may even borrow some of his watches. He does have good taste! 

Sunday, September 8, 2013

"Do you think doing this marathon is worse than child birth?" GOD I HOPE SO!

HOLY SHIT I WALKED A MARATHON!!!!! Today friends I walked the Boston Marathon!!!! It was to stand up for cancer. I was there mainly for the snacks and really I had nothing better to do at 5:30am on this fine Sunday morning. Did I sign up for the walk? Nope! One of oldest friends (been friends for over 26 years) did so I donated to her page and said I would also walk the whole thing with her. I.e. Be her cheerleader for 8 hours while walking our butts off. But they really do have great snacks along the way!!!

This is what 5:30am looks like in Hopkinton, MA....where is that you ask?! 26.9 miles away from the center of Boston! Again.... HOLY SHIT I WALKED A MARATHON!!!

Have I done this before? NO! I have ever, on purpose walked more than 26 miles before? (another great question) NO!

My training plans were A. to buy new shoes about a month before the walk which I used a total of 8 times (I had much bigger dreams for these shoes but I for some reason have boycotting the gym for the entire month of August) and B. carbo loading the night before (ate an entire box of annie's mac and cheese) and went to bed at 8pm with an aggressive amount of little blue pills. I don't recommend this plan at all and if I ever do anything like this again I would try to work in some compression sleeves but god damnit I did it!

I feel like I went to battle and WON! The only current causalities are my two "ring" toes...those nails are 100% coming off and MASSIVE I mean MASSIVE blisters all over my feet. My knees keep twitching but I think that's about it.

WE DID IT!!!!!

The best part was about 3 miles to the finish we noticed these guys doing push ups at every mile marker. They were 65 or 70 year old police chiefs on some team. I asked them where they started (there are four start points....26 miles, 13 miles, 5 miles and 3 miles (I think).) I am expecting them to say the 13 AT MOST...Oh no the 26 and they have been doing 10 push ups at every mile marker. And then there's me by mile 17 babbling about nothing out of shear delusion to take my mind off the pain. Check Please!