HOLY SHIT.......

This is what happens when one drinks one too many ritas and hangs out with really cool people!

So I bought a Ukulele! YEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!!!! YESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!

And here's how it went down.....

Me at dinner last night "On my bucket list I have always wanted to learn how to play the guitar. I have no faith in myself to EVER master that so I am now aiming for the Ukulele"

Corin "You could totally do that! The the one you want to buy is.....blah blah...." 

(On my third margarita that is size of bath tub)

**I hand Corin my phone with amazon.com ready and waiting

Me "Tell me what to buy Ukulele Whisperer"

Corin "Here you go!"

Me (while hitting buy on amazon.com, they make this WAY too easy) "It'll be here on Tuesday before 5pm!"

$83.50 later I am the proud owner of a Tenor Ukulele!!!!! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Fast forward to right now...

I say to Alex, "Do you think I need a "gig bag" for the Ukulele (which will have a name in the next 48 hours)"

Alex, "HA! You are going to "play gigs"?!?!"

Me "No no no, well not at first but how else do you store it!?"

Alex "Well you could always display it on the wall"

Me "OH GOOD IDEA!!!!! Let's put in the living room next to the TV on the wall!!!!"

Alex is still laughing about the thought of me owning a "gig bag" for this ukulele. Oh man I am so excited!!!! Pictures to come!!!!!

I think I would call myself a "Savvy Consumer"

I need to preface this by saying I am not cheap. I have a soft spot in my heart for expensive sunglasses, high end shoes (that I can not afford), hand bags and a nice night out on the town (waaaaaaay too often). I buy expensive eggs from Whole Foods that are fifty cents a piece because I think the chicken's are happier. I like to think of them like the "happy cows from California" ad campaign but with chickens.
Now don't get me wrong I am not made out of money I do cut corners every now and again to off set the expensive happy eggs and the shoes that are SUPER cute but hurt so bad I could never wear them. For example before I leave the house I ALWAYS bring a full nalgene bottle of water, ALWAYS. I also take my own lunch to work every day and make coffee at home. The other thing I do to save some cash is dye my own hair. I figure it's in my blood!!! My grandfather (Jim Roseto, the man, the myth, the ledgion) owning a VERY successful beauty academy in the 50's and forcing all of his kids (minus the blessed baby boy) to go to said beauty school as a "fall back plan incase the college degree's don't work" SCREAMS to me....You can dye your own hair!!! Am I wrong here?!?!?

I also lived with a hair stylist circa 2001 - 2003. She would come home and dye my hair almost every day of the week. My hair was every color of the rainbow and one dye job away from falling off completely but I thought I picked up on a few tips while being her guinea pig for a year solid.

**Please picture me 2 bottles of wine deep with small hand mirrors set up all throughout my old living room trying to foil my hair with all of the hair dye my old roommate stole from her hair salon....what was I thinking?!? I am going to save $200 and get this done!!! It didn't turn out THAT BAD because I had a love affair with punk rock and didn't care that I was going for red and turned out green because I failed 9th grade chemistry!

So cut to today, I dye my hair maybe 3 or 4 times a year max. I have the color gel hair dye, mix it with some developer and BAM! Brownish reddish glossy hair!!!! AND I save $80. The last time I attempted this money saver I dripped hair dye, I am not the most graceful person in the world, all down the wall next to the sink in the bathroom. This time I must have had a little bit on the gloves I was using and like hansel and gretel in the woods I left hair dye EVERY WHERE I WENT IN THE HOUSE in between washing the color bowl and mixing a new color to put on my noggin. OPSIE!

Have no fear....MR CLEAN MAGIC ERASER IS HERE!!! I tried to sneak in the bathroom without Alex noticing the large white sponge in my hand and started the clean up brigade. I THOUGHT I had it all but apparently I missed a few spots. Alex walks in the bathroom to shower about 20 minutes later and goes, "REALLY?!?!?!" (this is his version of Ricky Ricardo's 'LUCY YOU HAVE SOME ESPLAINEN TO DO!') I had splashed hair color all of the tops of the walls in the bathroom, HE CLAIMS, I am 5'4" on a good day.....you tell me how I could get color all over the walls and ceiling. I mean don't get me wrong I don't put it past myself but still!

And we all know that when you use a mr clean magic eraser it is a very slippery slope. You end up seeing EVERY SINGLE SPOT on the walls, doors and start to loose your mind.

Is it worth it to save the $80 or $200 to color my own hair...SURE! I am don't paint the walls in the bathroom...Alex does. :)

Alternatives to Eating

Back to work I go today. I am tired, slightly bloated and needless to say my pants aren't that loose these days. I keep thinking, "If I pee more maybe they will loosen up a little bit!" (Not so much) I am not a huge fan of the "I'm on vacation and I can eat/drink WHATEVER I WANT" reason being that it's a slippery slope that yours truly has a. fallen off too many times to count and b. finds it even harder to get back into a routine afterwards. 

The reason I am writing this tonight is because I thought to myself, while snacking on pretzel thins with teddy peanut butter, "immmmmmm, I SHOULD try and get off to the gym tomorrow morning or at least do some kettle bells". This was AFTER I went to CVS to buy my last (god willing) bag of cadbury mini eggs in my pj's. (I have hit a new low and become THAT GUY too lazy to change and shopping in my poka dot pj pants....the only thing that would make it much worse would be if it was at a Walmart!) 

I need to figure out a way to get my appetite in check. I have NO self control when it comes to food or giving into my craving for food. Soooooo I am making a list of things I can do besides eating and drinking. It's my go to comfort one stop shopping. 

Every time I am about to eat something I need to ask myself, "Are you REALLY hungry there tubby?!" (Ok maybe not the tubby part) if the answer is not really than I need to pick something else off the list to do verse eating. 

 I know it sounds childish and silly but I need to loose some serious poundage not because I am borderline a health risk but I am sick of holding the camera for the "best angle"

 or that feeling of "this is so not a good look" WHILE I wearing something... (looks like yours truly has a baker's dozen!)

And no matter what anyone says, this doesn't not taste THAT good!

Moral of the story you ask? Why am I putting some of the nastiest pictures of myself on the internet??....because I am DETERMINED to get this god damn weight off and if I don't I give you all permission to heckle me to no end. This next month I am going to dedicate to blogging about health living, some yummy recipes and things to do BESIDES EATING!!!!! Any good ideas pass them along. 

And one last one for good measure, tube tops DO NOT look good on anyone over 96 lbs....

(**I also apparently need another go to picture face!)

Oh Florida......Why, Why are you so cold!!!!

So I am back....as of 2 hours ago I touched back down in Boston and IT IS WARMER HERE THAN THERE FOR SURE! What the hell!?! First off don't listen to the weather people (trying to be politically correct here) in the "sunshine state" (poor advertising Florida, poor advertising!). They lie BIG TIME about the temperature. There is no way in hell is was 55 out yesterday, penguins were starting to migrate up the beach from the Arctic! There was this little thing called a "wind chill" going on and it had to feel like it was 40 out in the shade!

No one in their right mind was out on the beach yesterday EXECPT for the 2 chicks who must have been from Nebraska on Spring Break, haven't had a carb since 2012 and god damnit they were going on that beach no matter what! They will have one thing to look forward too, a super bad cold!

That aside it was a great, VERY QUICK, trip in Florida that went a little something like this....

Day One....Brotherly Love!

The Promise of Fishing (I wasn't allowed to touch the fishing rod)

AND....This is what he caught...TWICE! Could have been a clam?!

Day Drinking.....HELLLLLLOOOOO VACATION TIME!!! This was the only hour it was warmish

 Day Two....this isn't getting old for one of us yet. :)

Family Photo!

The Bad Idea..... Note to self, Blue Drinks are ALWAYS a bad idea

*Fun Fact of the Day, Panthers are not real! (They are black leopards)

Happiest Tiger EVER!

White Trash Moment in Florida, CHECK (a trip to Walmart to buy beer and the Horse Races!)

Light House Donuts, Thank you diners, drive ins and dives for ruining yet ANOTHER great hole in the wall place! Running out of amazing donuts by 9am is NOT acceptable. 

My brother from another mother...and Tequila Shots!!!

 And now's it's old, Day 3

SO FREAKING COLD!!!!

What a view!

Impromptu Date Night

With the BEST COMPANY A GAL COULD ASK FOR!!!!! My long time brother from another mother.....Nicky!!!! Or as most of you know him, Poodle!!!!!!

I really don't know a better way to spend a Wednesday night then with this tall drink of water, some real good laughs and sushi!

A few martini's, dinner and some fortune cookies later Poodle admits to me what his major purchases were this past weekend.....Pier One Imports was having a blow out sale.....if you know Nicky you know he loves a few things in life...watches (expensive ones), smelling good (always does even in the very hot sun) and HOUSE CHOTCHKIES! He is has a soft spot in his heart for themed holiday crap, (sorry stuff), things in the shape of poodles and CANDLES. Lots and lots of candles. He doesn't discriminate he likes all shapes, sizes and smells.

The boy has moved on from small throw pillows (when we first fell in love in 2002 he was SLIGHTLY, I use this word VERY lightly, obssesed with decorative throw pillows that could never be touched or sat on. They "enhanced the look of the couch". If you could find the couch underneath all of the throw pillows kudos to you!) and now into candles.

So back to the candles, he goes, "Oh man you should have seen it! All the candles were on sale! Even the battery operated!" He was almost as excited as the first time we went to the NH State Liquor store and he saw how cheap everything was. He followed me around for about 20 minutes up and down the wine aisles while I looked at bottles of wine and he scratched NH State scratch tickets. There was a trail of silver shaving behind him EVERY WHERE HE WENT IN THE STORE! (God I love him)

He continues, "So they had little ones, big ones, tall ones, small ones.....even the tea lights were on sale!!!!! And here's the best part....THEY ARE ALL ON A REMOTE!!!!!" Oh good god here we go! He has a vision of putting them all over his deck at night and using the remote to make them flicker! (or as he told they can be still or flicker together!!!) Yep, I REALLY love him!!

I bet when they are all lit you will be able to see his back deck from space now in the summer time between the battery operated candles, solar party lights and tea lights! LOVE LOVE LOVE HIM!

SO on that note I am off to bed, I have to finish packing...this jet setter is heading off to Florida to go hang with my little brother and parents. Yep I am a mooch! You buy or rent a winter place I will come!!!! Stock the fridge with bottled water, booze and some snacks! I will bring the joy into your life. It is my gift to you. :)

Dear Mexico...I miss you! Love, Beth

Hola! I don't know why today was a rough day but it was. I was down in the dumps all day for no real reason so when I came home tonight Alex and I decided to open one of our prize bottles of REALLY GOOD tequila and make some tacos de camaron. I just bought a new cast iron tortilla press since coming back from Mexico and have been determined to make some fresh, homemade tortillas....

 WOW! WOW! WOW! And YUUUUUUM! Does it take a few extra minutes? sure...is it worth it? abso-freakin-lutely!!!!! 

Get some Maseca (I would have preferred a small mexican grinding this fresh for me but I settled for a tall, cute, gringo pouring some Maseca from a box), some salt and water. 

Mix it to a dough, it almost feels like play dough and is VERY forgiving....make a ball too big or too small, try again. VERY FORGIVING much more so than the IRS (bitter table for one! It's another long long story). Aim for a golf ball size dough ball. Use a zip lock bag that you cut in half, put the ball slightly off center on the CAST IRON PRESS (which is key, good weigh) and there you have it!!!

I don't have a gas stove or a comal (flat cast iron pan) but I do have a crap pan that we don't care how hot it gets or if it gets ruined so we used that.

The tortilla almost gives off a smell of "just about to burn" and you know it's time to flip it. Flip again and pop it into a warm oven wrapped in tin foil (keeps it warm and soft while you make more)

12 tortillas and about 5 minutes later....

FIESTA!!!!! 

You can't see it but underneath the homemade salsa and guacamole is some wild shrimp marinated in achiote paste with fresh squeezed orange juice and lime juice (DELISH). 

Marinade....

1/3 cup of fresh lime juice

2/3 cup of fresh orange juice

20 grams of Achiote paste (I smuggled mine in from Mexico, looked like a brick of red cocaine!)

~ mix it all together and toss in the wild shrimp for like 20 minutes

I know everyone makes salsa and guacamole differently but here's what we learned in Mexico....

Salsa....

1/4 of an onion

a hot pepper of your choice (I used 2 but whatever you like)

4 or 5 roma tomatoes

1 garlic clove

Toast everything in a DRY PAN until it is charred all over... Take the white part out of the tomatoes, toss everything in a blender or food processor.... salt to taste (DONE)

Guacamole....

2 TBSP of onion (put this in a small container and fill it with fresh lime juice for about 15 mins**)

2 TBSP of chopped tomato

Cilantro

2 Avocados

Hot pepper if you want

Salt to taste

Put everything in a bowl minus the onion in lime juice. Take the onion out of the lime juice, reserving a little bit, and toss it in the bowl with everything else. Mix it up, taste it and add more lime juice if you want. 

**The reason you soak the onion in the lime juice is it actually will help slow down the oxidation process of the avocado more. 

Some of this AMAZING stuff over ice with just a tiny squeeze of lime, if you can find a bottle buy one...worth the money for sure. If you go to mexico buy me another bottle and I'll send you a check! :)

Like a great vacation I am sad this dinner is over. BUT so excited for lunch tomorrow!!!! Moral of the story....make your own tortillas! SO WORTH IT!!!!

Adventures in Baby Sitting (just like the movie, minus the cool 80's soundtrack)

Top of the Muffin to you all and Happy Sunday/ St. Patrick's Day! Oh what a lazy weekend this has been for all the right reasons though (see below) I am sick with a bad bad bad cold and I knew that I had to take it easy all weekend to get over this crap. I have been taking dayquil and everything else under the sun PLUS cuddling with our friend's french bull dog all weekend!!!! We are puppy sitting!

I would like you all to meet.....Pretzel.....he loves long walks, sneaky snacks (when we are not looking) and lots and lots of cuddling on the couch.

This little tater tot wants to do NOTHING but cuddle. I have to say besides a few walks here and there we have all done nothing but lay around, me.... high as a kite on cold meds....this little puddle of love.....comforting me all the way. 

Now if I wasn't so under the weather I would posting pictures of a fashion montage with this love muffin but because I feel like death walking with ZERO energy the fashion show has been postponed until next time!

But instead here are a few pictures of how much he enjoys trying to eat waffles....