"The crossbody hand bag makes you look like a lesbian from Vermont"

....says Nicky! (aka Poodle) at dinner tonight.

Me "But it's Marc Jacobs"

Poodle "It slashes your boobs in half....what are you on sale?!"

Me "I can't win!"

 *not returning the hand bag....still love it and I think all women love a good cross body bag. They are comfortable!!! These gays were calling a cross body bag the equivalent to a croc!?! WTF?!

And then the watch conversation started....shoot me now

*Here's what you need to know about me to begin with....
- A. I don't own a watch
- B. I didn't ever think I would be the type of person who would wear a watch
- C. I don't even like wearing bangles and or bracelets all that much
- Number 4. My knowledge of watches is nothing more than some cost more than cars and you can get for $10 bucks. I can't keep a white shirt white...why the hell would I watch to buy something that will 100% get broken, lost or scratched within 48 hours of me owning it that could potentially cost more than my car in the drive way?!?

So I bought this watch today....

Walking out of the store I was thinking to myself, "Oh I love this green face! It's so simple! Great watch!" That was until I saw all of my boys at Alex's Birthday dinner tonight......

So those assholes within 5 mins had me buying a new watch that the majority of them approved of online before the third round of cocktails came! (It'll be here on Wednesday). All of them said that this looked like something you would get off of a kiosk machine in the mall that spins around in a circle OR at TJ Maxx. It wasn't a cheap watch either. I mean it's not $30k but it was more than $150. 

I think Kyle's exact words were, "Making new friends with Flava Flav!?" Kill me now..... Annnnnnnnnnnd it's going back tomorrow to Nordstroms! 

The best part of this entire conversation was when Poodle goes, "Oh show them the picture you sent me earlier...." 

Poodle "See I have the one in the middle and I might even have the one to the right too"

Me "Honey those are 100% women's watches" 

Poodle "Oh....well I have some that are bedazzled too! I think those must be women's watches as well! What can I say I have good taste!"

*We started counting his collection....I lost count after 5 watches he owned that he owned that could have gone "either way" and we are now calling "transgender" watches. LOVE HIM! Hell I may even borrow some of his watches. He does have good taste! 

"Do you think doing this marathon is worse than child birth?" GOD I HOPE SO!

HOLY SHIT I WALKED A MARATHON!!!!! Today friends I walked the Boston Marathon!!!! It was to stand up for cancer. I was there mainly for the snacks and really I had nothing better to do at 5:30am on this fine Sunday morning. Did I sign up for the walk? Nope! One of oldest friends (been friends for over 26 years) did so I donated to her page and said I would also walk the whole thing with her. I.e. Be her cheerleader for 8 hours while walking our butts off. But they really do have great snacks along the way!!!

This is what 5:30am looks like in Hopkinton, MA....where is that you ask?! 26.9 miles away from the center of Boston! Again.... HOLY SHIT I WALKED A MARATHON!!!

Have I done this before? NO! I have ever, on purpose walked more than 26 miles before? (another great question) NO!

My training plans were A. to buy new shoes about a month before the walk which I used a total of 8 times (I had much bigger dreams for these shoes but I for some reason have boycotting the gym for the entire month of August) and B. carbo loading the night before (ate an entire box of annie's mac and cheese) and went to bed at 8pm with an aggressive amount of little blue pills. I don't recommend this plan at all and if I ever do anything like this again I would try to work in some compression sleeves but god damnit I did it!

I feel like I went to battle and WON! The only current causalities are my two "ring" toes...those nails are 100% coming off and MASSIVE I mean MASSIVE blisters all over my feet. My knees keep twitching but I think that's about it.

WE DID IT!!!!!

The best part was about 3 miles to the finish we noticed these guys doing push ups at every mile marker. They were 65 or 70 year old police chiefs on some team. I asked them where they started (there are four start points....26 miles, 13 miles, 5 miles and 3 miles (I think).) I am expecting them to say the 13 AT MOST...Oh no the 26 and they have been doing 10 push ups at every mile marker. And then there's me by mile 17 babbling about nothing out of shear delusion to take my mind off the pain. Check Please! 

Summer is ending and something I will never learn....

What a fun few weeks it has been friends. Since coming back from Vegas at the beginning of this month it has been a non-stop whirl wind of summer time fun!

Weekends spent with these people...

 

(Someone took the last of the margarita while I was distracted by a sizzling platter walking by)

 

(Happy Monday to our Philly!!!)

Our trip to Nantucket...

 (How it started!!!!)

 (How it ended!!!)

But what is a blog post without me venting for a second.. Deep thoughts by yours truly.....

There are not many things I truly hate in life. I honestly think my time here (on this big blue green marble) is waaaaaay to short to REALLY hate something. I mean don't get me wrong I dislike almost everything from time to time but when it comes down to the effort I have to make to truly hate something.....I would rather waste that energy secretly or not so secretly judging 85% of the population who I see on a daily basis and make up stories about them in my head. Cheers to that!

I more than ANYTHING in this world I HATE coming home after an evening of fun and dare I say a cocktail or ten to this....

 
 You would think at 32 I would have this shit down to a science....NOPE! Absolutely not. I can plan every moment of an event for a group of 1500 people but figure out how to make the bed before I leave the house on a Saturday night or at the very least take the sheets OUT of the washer and put them in the dryer so I can put them on the bed when I get home.....Oh no my friends that would be asking too much. 

So 15 agonizing minutes later....of me whining to my self. (Sing it with me people, "All by my self.....don't wanna be....all by myyyyyyyy seeeeeellllllffffff!!!!") Taaaaaa Daaaaaaaa!

It's hard being me sometimes....

 But now back to reality....well almost! This weekend I am going to clam baking and making/canning the "Roseto Family Sauce" pictures and tomato stains to come! Stay Tuned people!!!

Guess I am never going to grow up....There is no light at the end of this tunnel

Hello....my name is Beth and I'm addicted to Candy Crush on my iPad.

To my credit I did make every effort to attempt to avoid the downward spiral that is this horrible game. I download books on my kindle (TONS OF THEM), I have magazines loaded on my iPad just ready to be opened, Hell (not that this is saying much for character) I still have the whole second season of American horror story to watch (at least it's not the Real Housewives of Some County" ) that I PAID for on iTunes yet still.....still when I have a second of free time to kill what do I do? Go STRAIGHT to Candy Crush. Holy Shit I have a problem!

Here I am, 32 years young and bored on an airplane. Instead of picking up a book....I go right to the hell that is game. I spent 2 weeks....yep you read that right...2 freaking weeks trying to beat some level in the 20's. I have even been known to adjust the time (its's a long story and if you don't play the game this will make NO sense at all) on my iPad to make my lives come back quicker.

Like I said I have a problem! To offset this mindless crap I have filled my kindle to the brim with every book I can think of including a few I will NEVER read like the autobiography of Ben Franklin (it was free) just to make myself feel better that maybe ONE day I will grow up and not play this crap and actually learn something. There really is no hope here though.

I am currently trying to learn Italian with a free app I downloaded on my IPad (Yep again you read that right...I would use the would try very loosely here) and instead of learning how to say, "I am a woman who eats the apple" (I can say that in Italian)  I'm trying to beat level 51 on this STUPID GAME!!!!

Someone asked me if I read books the other day...why yes I would if I never found this stupid game! I am starting to look that dumb that someone needs to ASK me if I read?! JESUS CHRIST! All I can hope is in my sleep Alex deletes this on my phone and iPad. (You really never know when you are going to be bored some where. A gal's gotta have options)

Dinner Ideas....

If anyone is looking for a last minute dinner idea tonight or for next week...

You have to make this, Love and Lemons Chick Pea Nicoise Salad, OH MY GOD is it good!

You have to make this.... about 8 ww points. It's DELISH! I am making a white wine spritzer (WOOOOO HOOOO Friday!) I don't mean to chew and screw but we are going to go see a movie and I have to finish chewing this delicious salad!

Have a fabulous weekend and cook something tasty!
xoxox

Vacationville Population 0....

I am back...back from being across the country twice in a week and a half. I am WIPED! Colorado as we all know was family fun and Vegas....Oh dear god....let's just say I lived through it and didn't have to bail my little brother out of jail so I look at that as a complete success.

Vegas - 1
Beth being 32 - 0

(waiting to check in...big sister decided we needed booze)

(Day drinking at 32...YIKES!)

(We have no other pics or proof that we spent $200 to sit in a bar completely made out of ice in the desert other than this one because after spending $200 to go in the bar and drink cocktails (very very bad strong cocktails) out of cups made from ice we didn't want to spring the extra $30 bucks for the souvenir photos!) **the real gem in this nugget of a story is that EVERYONE in the ice bar was from New England....we all live in an arctic tundra 100 days out of the year...need I say more

 Aussie...Aussie...Aussie
Oi Oi Oi!!!!

Why stop now....

(DELISH! Is what that is above....plus about 1000 weight watchers points)

(Night clubs, Fabulous New Australian Friends and Bars made out of Chandlers!)

(Get me the hell out of this city is what that face says!)

 Like I was saying...

Vegas has yet again proved to me that I am too old for this shit! Now that I am back to the cold hard reality of my life not being an all star jet setter I will post something with more validity than vegas photo's some time this week. PROMISE!

xoxox

Day 3 of the WW and Being 32....

While I was in Colorado my FABULOUS soul sista of a cousin was kind enough to do my hair for nothing. She is a master colorist at an Aveda Salon in the Denver area and does incredible work. Not only is she very good with color she is also VERY fast. We were sitting at her kitchen table going over her wedding stuff she was foiling my whole head with chunky rich brown and bright blonde foils. Right now I have this washed out redish brown color in my hair (my own doing....I know she cringed when she saw it) and she added these two beautiful colors in my noggin.

25 minutes later I had a full foil, cut and was processing in her car because I had to catch a super early flight and could easily washed them out in the shower at my aunt's house. How did it come out you ask?!? Amazing! What's the point of this story besides my cousin being a saint?!?

Well since I was 11 I have been dying my hair. At first it was me trying to become a red head because I was OBSESSED with Lucille Ball. Not only did I LOVE Lucy I swore up and down for the first 10 years of my life I was her reincarnated. I found out later in life that she died after I was already born. So without out the window and the early 90's in full swing I found out what "highlights" were...low lights weren't in yet so it was all blonde or nothing! I let my hair get to it's natural color (dark dark brown color) but FILLED it with BRIGHT white thin highlights throughout the whole thing. I have thick hair and it takes FOREVER to have someone go through the whole thing (hours). At 14 not a big deal to have this kind of look....the older I got the funkier the hair got....some days it looked like a skunk. Some times it looked like a licked candy cane with pinks, reds and blondes. Other days it had purple or blue in it. Am I afraid of color? No but after looking back on many pictures maybe I should be.

Back to the point....lately (for the past 5 years) I have kept it pretty low key with color. Just a solid dark brown or red color. When my fabulous cousin suggested some fun chunky high and low panels of color I was/still am....all about it EXCEPT when I went to the bathroom the other day and saw myself in the mirror. It's not my hair, the color or the style...it was my eye catching thin white pieces of hair in my noggin. I thought to myself, "HOLY SHIT I AM GOING GREY!!!!!!" Nope just blonde. Very very pretty white blonde which I tried FOR YEARS with A LOT  of bleach (and hope) to get but what I realized is that when you are in your 30's isn't white blonde but is too close to GREY comfort! Holy shit!

Well friend's 48 hours from right now I will be playing craps or laying on a lazy river in Las Vegas. I am still shocked I am going. What an AMAZING shit show this is going to be. I plan on taking as many pictures as I possibly can because I think that will be the only way we can all remember this trip.

So day 3 of weight watchers was WAY easier than day 1 or 2. Not nearly as hungry and actually felt good. Hell I still have 6 points left I can use tomorrow! Look at me go people! Jennifer Hudson WATCH OUT! There's a new spokes gal in town. 

Snack of the day: Plain Hummus mixed with REALLY spicy salsa and a Joseph's Flaxseed Pita (3 points and VERY filling)