Because it's funny....

I wanted to share this with the rest of you...

So the other day, Sunday, I was making breakfast and was cutting up a pepper to toss in this scramble I was making. So after I cut the peppers I was cleaning up and touched my face. All of the sudden EVERYTHING started burning...my hands, my cheek...I  must have accidentally touched the inside of my nose at some point and that was the end of it. The inside of my nose would not stop burning! I had to stick my nose in a glass of milk to make it stop burning. My eyes were watering so bad for no joke about five minutes straight.

No one (we had some friends up for the weekend) was paying attention to me in the kitchen while I was cooking and all of the sudden my buddy looks over at me, tears are now streaming down my face and I have a paper towel soaked in milk shoved up my nose, and he goes, "Holy shit! Are you ok?!?"

Needless to say it stopped burning and thank god I didn't touch anything else but lesson learned!!!!

Sometimes I surprise myself....

Last week I truly hit a new, I am not going to call it a "low" but more a new level of crazy. About two weeks ago my mom started her quest/obsession for the "perfect" fall boot. A few emails, nordstrom's and zappo's links later she had made her decision. I have to say her and Gwyneth Paltrow (she was wearing the same ones in a vogue ad) will look very fashionable this fall. So of course I wasn't too far behind in my own personal quest. "Enjoying my staycation", please see not working at this current moment in time, was not going to hold me back from maxing out a credit card in order to look extremely fashionable as well this fall.

This brings me to this time last week. My little brother was working on my couch and every time I spoke he would try to ignore me in hopes of getting some work done. After two episodes of Law and Order later my mind was wandering and I began to hunt the internet for the perfect boot. Oh Zappo's VIP....how I love thee!!!! Let me count the ways...Free Over Night Shipping (check!), Free Speedy Returns (check!) and of course refunding my credit card within four days of me sending the return (check!!!!). AMAZING! I found two pairs of very cute boots on Zappos. One was this really pretty Frye boot on deep deep discount. Soft beaten light brown leather, over the knee and about 60% off. There was only one pair left in my size so I figured why the hell not! Plus OVER NIGHT SHIPPING!!!! So if they don't work back they go!

Andy (my little brother) and I were driving up to NH the next day to see some family and I knew we were leaving early. I didn't want to leave the boots at home because I need instant gratification AND Alex might be like "Where the hell did she get the money to buy two VERY large pairs of boots from Zappo's after not having a job for two months". This is a very valid question and I gotta say he wouldn't necessarily be mad more just curious. I was PRAYING Andy would sleep in a little bit. He was doing back flips out of bed by nine and ready to hit the road by nine thirty! I kept running to the front window every ten minutes looking for the UPS man ( I mean, person, I don't want to discriminate here) while he was getting ready. Finally I knew I couldn't stall this any longer.

We get out to my car and as I am pulling out of the drive way what flies on by in front of us? A UPS truck! It stops two blocks over and without even thinking I start driving towards the truck. Andy looks at me and says, "Are you really going to do what I think you are going to do?" I just give him a knowing glance and that was enough for him to start laughing.

I pull in back of the truck and walk up to front. The driver was in the back getting some boxes together and had the radio blasting hits from 70's.

UPS Guy singing, "She's a brick....HOUSE!! She's mighty, mighty...just lettin all hang out!"
I didn't want to scare the shit out of this guy so I started singing a long with him to let him know I was friendly. He just sang louder and over me...

Me "Hi UPS guy! Can I ask you a quick question?"
Super nice UPS guy "Of course"
Me "Do you happen to deliver to 200 Water St?"
UPS Guy "I do! What's your name"

Next thing you know I am running back to the car with a MASSIVE box from Zappo's in my arms and throw it in the back seat. My brother is dying laughing and of course took the picture below!

And yes both pairs went right back that same day. ha ha ha

Bon Me...Yes Please!

Oh SoWa yet again you have done me nothing but right!  I feel like I need to preface this by saying that I do love a good high end food truck and I am not a hipster.

Have you seen "The Great Food Truck Race" on the Food Network? The only reason I watched this in the beginning was because of Tyler Florence, well and I love reality tv. He is delicious and my version of why every man in America watches Gida. Every day Italian, PLEASE! It's all about her boobs and that money shot when she puts the fork in her mouth! I don't care that Tyler is married with kids and lives in San Francisco in my mind he is single and madly in love with me! (I promise there is a point.) The reason I am bringing any of this up is because there was this Bon Me truck on the show. I believe they won everything or at least every single challenge. Smart kids and the sandwiches looked so damn tasty. Since watching the show I have been on the hunt for a good Bahn Mi.

To me Asian food is what I crave morning, noon and night...any kind...I do not discriminate. It is my comfort food and I can't get enough. What's a Bahn Mi you ask? It's a Vietnamese sandwich. This fabulous sandwich I had on Sunday was filled roasted bbq pork stuffed in a nice crusty but soft baguette with a asian influced cucumber salad, fresh cilantro, daikon radish, red onion and spicy mayo. My mouth is watering just thinking about this. I walked around the open market eating it trying to savor every bite but in reality woofing it down like it was my last meal on earth. It's warm, salty, spicy, cool, crispy and kind of sweet. IT IS SO FREAKING GOOD and I was so sad when I polished it off in record time. I was trying to convince Alex (my better half) to go get one just so I could have a bite of his or half of it. He wouldn't do it....he had his eye on a hot dog stand.

So what did I do? I cried on the inside for a second and then moved on to the Yummy Mummy Brownie Stand. Go! Go and get the caramel nougat brownies (they have milky way bars shoved in the center of them). She is there every Sunday and has been for years. The owner is VERY nice but her brownies are out of this world. Chewy, chocolaty and full of fun. The freeze super well if you need. I always buy two or three so I can freeze at least two of them and eat them all week. I just finished my last bite of the Nutella one last night.

I think I am going to have to go back to the market this weekend. My mouth is still watering....

Beth vs Portland

First I am going to say sorry for this being such a long post....I just ate so much and Second let's just say I ate every weight watchers point I will ever have for the rest of my life last weekend. Why you ask? Because "Hi, my name is Beth and I am an emotional eater!" and because what the hell else would I do on a weekend get away?! My version of seeing the local sights is checking out the top spots on Chowhound and Yelp to eat!

What did I eat you ask? Well here's the blow by blow.....(please keep  a snack handy because I get hungry just thinking about. When I did recap this with my mother who is also part of the WW club she said she almost threw up in her mouth because of what I ate and the amount of food.....) Fat kids...Here we go!

It started off at Duck Fat...what is duck fat...A....freaking....mazing....that what it is. You go for the french fries because they are cooked in duck fat. The next best thing to this would be fried pork belly (if you can find this, eat it! It's so wrong but SO RIGHT) We got three dipping sauces with the fries...truffled homemade ketchup, curry aioli and a horseradish aioli. Alex got (I couldn't bring myself to get it but god knows I had sips when he wasn't looking) a Tahitian Vanilla anglaise MILKSHAKE. If you don't know what anglaise is look it up and if you don't care about calories EAT IT! We split a super crispy house roasted turkey panini but I am not going to bore you with these details...it was good but that god damn milkshake and fries were amazing and worth going back for.

Next on my homemade foodie tour was the Two Fat Cats. They are known for only one thing...homemade whoppie pies! We split one and almost went back for seconds. It was by far the best I have ever had and god knows I have had my share. You don't get these hips without trying your share of whoopie pies.

We didn't stop there...we walked around a little bit, I drag Alex in and out of some stores, up some hills, through some galleries and some wine shops only to stumble upon J's, a DIVE oyster bar on the waterfront in Portland. We jumped on a few empty seats at the bar, order a bakers dozen of oysters and two beers. I really wanted to love this place for two reasons, I LOVE salty local dives with good people watching and my hero, Anthony Bourdain, loved it on No Reservations. Unfortunately these were the WORST oysters I have ever had. They were FULL of shells and salt. I cut my finger trying to eat them and they weren't clean so you had to fight to get it out of the shell. Needless to say 4 in and we were throwing in the towel. This was the ONLY miss we had on the entire trip.

So moving on....we rounded out lunch at Otto with a WONDERFUL slice of artisan pizza. It was local roasted potatoes, smoked bacon and Gouda with scallions. So good....they had TONS of other kinds and if you make into Harvard Sq they do have a brand new location there...go! Go and get some funky fun pizza. It's so freaking good! Super ultra thin crust and really funky kinds!!!

Dinner....dinner was such a hard choice. We did drinks and apps at Five fifty Five. Freshly baked biscuits with homemade chive butter...yummmm....
So we ordered the bangs island mussels; homemade 555 pickled cherry peppers, caramelized garlic, chive butter, wine and crunchy bread for dipping which I would 100% get again. I love mussels but these were special for some reason. Could have been the wine talking but very tasty.
We ordered one other thing but to be honest it wasn't even worth writing about. Not horrible but I am not going to bore you with the details. If you are Doyle you have already stopped reading this because it's too long.

The headling act of this fat kid show was Hugo....6 course chef's tasting menu with wine pairing. What did we get? Let's just put it this way it felt like Christmas (or any fabulous holiday you and your religion celebrates) every single time the next course came. It was like opening up a present every single freaking time and felt very special. I have been to MANY restaurants as you all know and this was one of the top 10 meals I have had thus far in my tiny little life. If you go, pay the money and get the tasting menu. It is SO worth it. Do you have to be adventurous? Yes! But just eat! It's beyond good. The chef goes out to the farmers market in the morning and anything he buys is the only things that go on this menu. It was one more time...fabulous....

How did we end this evening you are wondering? Long romantic walk around the city? A whole tub of tums? Nope....we went to a dive bar and did shots until yours truly couldn't see straight anymore (didn't take long) and when we got back to the hotel room we 100% order room service. I thought I passed out before the food came but found out the next morning that wasn't the case. Alex told me the second the food came into the room I was dropping elbows! (Shaking my head in shame)

There was a second day of eating but it was not nearly as aggressive as the first. If you get a chance go to Portland. It was a very cute, artsy town that had some GREAT places to eat.

P.s. I went to the gym every single day this week....

And the hits keep coming....

Friday night, as some of you know, I went and saw the Hang Over 2 with a few friends. First was apps and drinks at Trina's Starlight Lounge in Inman...then one more stop at Russell House Tavern in Harvard Sq for another quick cocktail and snack before going into the theater.It's Friday night, why stop now!

It's about five minutes before the movie is going to start and I look at my friends and say, "Are we taking cocktails into the theater? Should I go to the liquor store?" They both said, "Of course!" Let's get something straight here....I don't NEED to drink to see a movie but it's Friday night and I WANT to! I run down the street to the only liquor store like an Olympian going for the gold and do they have nips? No! Only wine. Ok ok, not a problem...I was in daisy scouts and did make it to one year of brownies I quit that after I realized we were going to "eat brownies" every time and it was more about doing good for the community blah blah blah. So anyway I am a very resourceful person here and might I add try and make the best of every situation. You hand me limes I say Margaritas! You get the point....

Since I have learned the lesson of buying a bottle of wine and not having a wine key to open the damn thing before (I.e. Chandra and I using butter knives to try and pry the cork out of the bottle...desperate times call for desperate measures) I knew screw tops were the only way to go. I sprung for the most expensive screw top they had because if I am going to use every weight watchers point I have left drinking this it better taste good! $20, negotiating with the 7-11 guy about "donating" three plastic or paper cups to my cause which I then I had to pay $2 bucks for and running into a client (literally) on the street in Harvard Sq later we were sitting in the movie theater with the movie opening scenes just starting.

I carefully (I was wearing white, this is red wine and I am a Roseto so every shirt I own has a stain on it some where) pour out the entire bottle into three LARGE clear plastic Slurpee cup and put the empty bottle between my seat and my friend sitting next to me. About twenty minutes into the movie I remember I have a bottle of water in purse. Apparently this purse is like a Mary Poppins bag this evening...bottles of wine, water, a small chinchilla, gum, tums, lip gloss....you name it I have it!

So I grab the bottle of water, take a big sip (so happy) and place it next to the side of my chair because my two friends a hogging both arm rests and I am a good enough person not to care. All of the sudden the bottle of water slips down the side of the chair, smacks the empty bottle of wine and both tumble down 30 rows of seats on the ground making a VERY loud noise. I am dying, dying laughing. Most of the thearter is laughing not at the movie but at the three of us sitting in the back row and trying to look behind our shoulders 'Playing it cool' as if we had NO IDEA who could have done that.

Needless to say it was by far the funniest part of the movie and when we were walking out some chicks in front of me were saying "Do you think that was beer bottle or wine?" If it was beer there would have been many more of them...Never a dull moment.

And she said it was going to be easy....

Ok so funny story of the morning.....

This past weekend I ran into Bare Essentials to pick up ONE THING, new foundation. Walked in and saw there were having a "sale" I use this in VERY loose terms because nothing was really on sale I just had to spend so much money and then in return they would give me a couple of lip glosses and eye shadows for free I will NEVER wear.

My "makeup artist" again another term I would use loose because it is more like the 55 year old who is onto their "new career" as a makeup artist and is randomly painting my face with colors that make NO SENSE WHAT SO EVER. Note to self, if I tell you I don't wear neon blue eye shawdow, not now and not in 1988 either I wouldn't waste your time slathering it all over my face.  Just sayin....

I tried to get right to the point of why I was there (a. because I didn't want to spend the next half hour telling her that I don't need crap to make my pores smaller and b. I was meeting a friend to see a movie in 20 minutes and putting a time limit on this trip was the only way I was going to walk out of there without maxing out my Visa. I know my limits here) and that I needed a dark foundation for the summer because I plan on looking like Malibu Barbie by the end of June come hell or high water!

Amy, my makeup guru extraordinaire, informed me that it wouldn't be that simple. They don't make a foundation that would compliment my skin blah blah...here's three things you need to make this work...blah blah...oh did you know that toner will make you look 10 years younger. (I am 30 not 80 and happy looking 30). She pulled out this shiny brown compact that is this "magic bronzer" fake tan crap. You open the lid, it portions out one puff of dark brown powder and then, swirl, tap buff, PUFF you are tan. I closed my eyes and PUFF I was more like Malibu Barbie's second cousin but screw it close enough!

1/2 hour, an undisclosed amount of money later I walk out with a LARGE bag of makeup in hand along with a fluffy pink cupcake. She had me with that god damn cupcake.

Let's now fast forward to today.....

I have tried this whole swirl, tap, buff thing THREE times so far in the morning and I am looking more like Snookie and less like the second cousin of Malibu Barbie. I am ORANGE. I mean that "I am 17 and went fake tanning one too many times for prom and now look like a baked potato dipped in orange paint" kind of orange. The worst part is once you put this crap on your face you can't get it off without washing your face and let's be honest I don't have time to do that at the gym in the morning. 

So as of right now.... Bronzer 1, Beth 0.....

Hello My Name is Beth and I am addicted to Jelly Belly Jelly Beans

I don't know how many points are in jelly belly jelly beans but they are worth EVERY SINGLE ONE! I looked on the ww website and it said "1 package is 3 points"....now let's define package here...is it one at the jelly belly outlet store because that is the size of a small car or is it one in the grocery store (which is a rip off for 4 bucks) because I can finish that in a sitting while watching The Mob Wives (HAS ANYONE SEEN THIS TRAIN WRECK!!!!??? Oh my god! Need I say more!!!)....Needless to say I never knew I had this addiction until this past weekend when my mother, aka the Easter Bunny, brought me the jelly belly's in my "easter bowl" because the items I get no longer fit into a basket....

Now before you get jealous here let me give you an idea of what the "easter bunny" brought me this year.....please see list below

- Jelly Belly Jelly Bean (GONE)
- New Flip Flops for the Gym shower (using them but completely made out of plastic and very slippery when wet. It makes the floor like an ice skating rink)
- An In Style Magazine (will read)
- 3 small mini bags of M&M's (GONE)
- A jar of Pickled Beets (Yes you are reading that right...and yes they are still on the counter)
- 2 small Milkway Eggs (GONE)
- A bag of Quaker Rice Cakes (Popcorn Flavored and still yet to be opened)
- A box of Jolly Time 1 point WW Popcorn (Opened and snacking on as we speak at work)
- A Jar of Low Fat Dressing (That she TOOK OUT OF the Easter bowl just in case the place we ate lunch at on Saturday did not have low fat dressing....she figured we can bring in our own.) ha ha ha ha

Alex also got a Easter bowl...he had all the chocolate including those horrible marshmallow bunnies (The peeps...most likely one of the only things made out of sugar I am not a huge fan of...still ate two while making dinner last night just to make sure) I ate two of his caramel cadbury eggs (SOOOO good) and one of his Milk Way Eggs....On Monday I made him take EVERYTHING to work so there was no way I could touch any of it.

As you can see I am not going to loose any weight on the WW this week because of the beans and my no self control with food. I just wanted to let all of you out there who are on a diet...fighting the good fight....or doing god knows what else in order to wear a wedding dress, bathing suit  or just not sweat while typing at work. I wanted to let you know that you are not alone....Stay tuned for more to come!

Stay strong my Skinny Mini's! We can do this!