And she said it was going to be easy....

Ok so funny story of the morning.....

This past weekend I ran into Bare Essentials to pick up ONE THING, new foundation. Walked in and saw there were having a "sale" I use this in VERY loose terms because nothing was really on sale I just had to spend so much money and then in return they would give me a couple of lip glosses and eye shadows for free I will NEVER wear.

My "makeup artist" again another term I would use loose because it is more like the 55 year old who is onto their "new career" as a makeup artist and is randomly painting my face with colors that make NO SENSE WHAT SO EVER. Note to self, if I tell you I don't wear neon blue eye shawdow, not now and not in 1988 either I wouldn't waste your time slathering it all over my face.  Just sayin....

I tried to get right to the point of why I was there (a. because I didn't want to spend the next half hour telling her that I don't need crap to make my pores smaller and b. I was meeting a friend to see a movie in 20 minutes and putting a time limit on this trip was the only way I was going to walk out of there without maxing out my Visa. I know my limits here) and that I needed a dark foundation for the summer because I plan on looking like Malibu Barbie by the end of June come hell or high water!

Amy, my makeup guru extraordinaire, informed me that it wouldn't be that simple. They don't make a foundation that would compliment my skin blah blah...here's three things you need to make this work...blah blah...oh did you know that toner will make you look 10 years younger. (I am 30 not 80 and happy looking 30). She pulled out this shiny brown compact that is this "magic bronzer" fake tan crap. You open the lid, it portions out one puff of dark brown powder and then, swirl, tap buff, PUFF you are tan. I closed my eyes and PUFF I was more like Malibu Barbie's second cousin but screw it close enough!

1/2 hour, an undisclosed amount of money later I walk out with a LARGE bag of makeup in hand along with a fluffy pink cupcake. She had me with that god damn cupcake.

Let's now fast forward to today.....

I have tried this whole swirl, tap, buff thing THREE times so far in the morning and I am looking more like Snookie and less like the second cousin of Malibu Barbie. I am ORANGE. I mean that "I am 17 and went fake tanning one too many times for prom and now look like a baked potato dipped in orange paint" kind of orange. The worst part is once you put this crap on your face you can't get it off without washing your face and let's be honest I don't have time to do that at the gym in the morning. 

So as of right now.... Bronzer 1, Beth 0.....