And the hits keep coming....

Friday night, as some of you know, I went and saw the Hang Over 2 with a few friends. First was apps and drinks at Trina's Starlight Lounge in Inman...then one more stop at Russell House Tavern in Harvard Sq for another quick cocktail and snack before going into the theater.It's Friday night, why stop now!

It's about five minutes before the movie is going to start and I look at my friends and say, "Are we taking cocktails into the theater? Should I go to the liquor store?" They both said, "Of course!" Let's get something straight here....I don't NEED to drink to see a movie but it's Friday night and I WANT to! I run down the street to the only liquor store like an Olympian going for the gold and do they have nips? No! Only wine. Ok ok, not a problem...I was in daisy scouts and did make it to one year of brownies I quit that after I realized we were going to "eat brownies" every time and it was more about doing good for the community blah blah blah. So anyway I am a very resourceful person here and might I add try and make the best of every situation. You hand me limes I say Margaritas! You get the point....

Since I have learned the lesson of buying a bottle of wine and not having a wine key to open the damn thing before (I.e. Chandra and I using butter knives to try and pry the cork out of the bottle...desperate times call for desperate measures) I knew screw tops were the only way to go. I sprung for the most expensive screw top they had because if I am going to use every weight watchers point I have left drinking this it better taste good! $20, negotiating with the 7-11 guy about "donating" three plastic or paper cups to my cause which I then I had to pay $2 bucks for and running into a client (literally) on the street in Harvard Sq later we were sitting in the movie theater with the movie opening scenes just starting.

I carefully (I was wearing white, this is red wine and I am a Roseto so every shirt I own has a stain on it some where) pour out the entire bottle into three LARGE clear plastic Slurpee cup and put the empty bottle between my seat and my friend sitting next to me. About twenty minutes into the movie I remember I have a bottle of water in purse. Apparently this purse is like a Mary Poppins bag this evening...bottles of wine, water, a small chinchilla, gum, tums, lip gloss....you name it I have it!

So I grab the bottle of water, take a big sip (so happy) and place it next to the side of my chair because my two friends a hogging both arm rests and I am a good enough person not to care. All of the sudden the bottle of water slips down the side of the chair, smacks the empty bottle of wine and both tumble down 30 rows of seats on the ground making a VERY loud noise. I am dying, dying laughing. Most of the thearter is laughing not at the movie but at the three of us sitting in the back row and trying to look behind our shoulders 'Playing it cool' as if we had NO IDEA who could have done that.

Needless to say it was by far the funniest part of the movie and when we were walking out some chicks in front of me were saying "Do you think that was beer bottle or wine?" If it was beer there would have been many more of them...Never a dull moment.

And she said it was going to be easy....

Ok so funny story of the morning.....

This past weekend I ran into Bare Essentials to pick up ONE THING, new foundation. Walked in and saw there were having a "sale" I use this in VERY loose terms because nothing was really on sale I just had to spend so much money and then in return they would give me a couple of lip glosses and eye shadows for free I will NEVER wear.

My "makeup artist" again another term I would use loose because it is more like the 55 year old who is onto their "new career" as a makeup artist and is randomly painting my face with colors that make NO SENSE WHAT SO EVER. Note to self, if I tell you I don't wear neon blue eye shawdow, not now and not in 1988 either I wouldn't waste your time slathering it all over my face.  Just sayin....

I tried to get right to the point of why I was there (a. because I didn't want to spend the next half hour telling her that I don't need crap to make my pores smaller and b. I was meeting a friend to see a movie in 20 minutes and putting a time limit on this trip was the only way I was going to walk out of there without maxing out my Visa. I know my limits here) and that I needed a dark foundation for the summer because I plan on looking like Malibu Barbie by the end of June come hell or high water!

Amy, my makeup guru extraordinaire, informed me that it wouldn't be that simple. They don't make a foundation that would compliment my skin blah blah...here's three things you need to make this work...blah blah...oh did you know that toner will make you look 10 years younger. (I am 30 not 80 and happy looking 30). She pulled out this shiny brown compact that is this "magic bronzer" fake tan crap. You open the lid, it portions out one puff of dark brown powder and then, swirl, tap buff, PUFF you are tan. I closed my eyes and PUFF I was more like Malibu Barbie's second cousin but screw it close enough!

1/2 hour, an undisclosed amount of money later I walk out with a LARGE bag of makeup in hand along with a fluffy pink cupcake. She had me with that god damn cupcake.

Let's now fast forward to today.....

I have tried this whole swirl, tap, buff thing THREE times so far in the morning and I am looking more like Snookie and less like the second cousin of Malibu Barbie. I am ORANGE. I mean that "I am 17 and went fake tanning one too many times for prom and now look like a baked potato dipped in orange paint" kind of orange. The worst part is once you put this crap on your face you can't get it off without washing your face and let's be honest I don't have time to do that at the gym in the morning. 

So as of right now.... Bronzer 1, Beth 0.....